seeing as how im bored and u guys never talk maybe...

me putting up some of the book ive started. it is still pretty rough but i wouldnt mind sharing t if it will get u guys talking ^^

dedication page
Stories are best begun from the very beginning. However it is hard to start them as such. Many of us have such wild imaginations that they cannot be contained and they can confuse our reality. It’s funny what love can do for a person. It can make us smile when we don’t even want to laugh. But for me love as done so much more. For this reason I dedicate these short stories to my loving husband Jesse.

introduction
Many of us have lead a chaotic life at one point. We forget to remember the simple things. With all our technology and busy lives we forget there are simple pleasures we can look to in our own homes. Many of us overlook our pets. No matter what kind we have they all have the simplicity of life down packed. I myself have two cats. When I watch them play inside or outside its relaxing. We may not be able to live as simple as our pets do, but we can find a few minutes to play. Everyone’s lives are different, so I won’t pinpoint a time limit. We are all so worried about time. I believe the first step to a more simpler life and thus happiness is taking time to play. It’s not just pets that have it right, kids do to. I’d like to leave you with a thought: Next time you see kids or pets at play, pay attention. They are happy and all they need is the simple pleasure of play. Chaos however can be good at times, it keeps life interesting and exciting.

Contents
There are no chapters, no flowing story, and no real sense of togetherness. This book is utter chaos. You will be given the story in bits and pieces. Read to the end and you decide where the pieces fit in. So dust out the cobwebs and get ready to make this story into your own.

now for the start of the book part
Curse this morning sun, drags me into one more day of reaping what I’ve sown. Cookie and Warrior our two cats are outside with me. My name is Holly. I’m a twenty-one year old female and that’s all you need to know. My husband Jacob is asleep at the moment. I haven’t taken the cats out in awhile so here I am. I’m hoping this fresh air will help me regain energy lost earlier due to a bad headache. Looks like it rained last and the air is damp. The sun is hiding behind storm clouds. Good thing for me, I don’t like the sun very much. It’s just too bright and hot. I’ve always been a lover of the night. In high school I worked the night shift from 4pm to 6am. And the time I spent in the Army I had a swing shift schedule from 2pm to 1am. This was only during AIT (the school part which we did after basic training). Which brings me to one of the subjects on hand causing stress. I can’t get back into the Army because they haven’t lifted a waiver I need them to. The past is a troubling thing. Somehow I’ve managed to become a decent person. However I’ve made more than my share of mistakes. I’m trying to fix myself but it’s bringing more pain then I can handle. There isn’t much I remember from my childhood because I don’t recall pictures but feelings. It’s like when you see a movie and years later you may not remember the pictures but you vividly recall how the movie made you feel. And you shall continue to do so for the rest of your life. I was born in Elizabeth, New Jersey, but don’t remember much more. Shey, my mom has told me that me and bios stayed there for about two years. I have always been told my adopted parents are to be considered my real parents. And I have considered them as such. They are the ones who loved me and raised me after all. But I never had a strong relationship with my mom or dad. However as of recently me and my dad have formed a stronger bond. My mom and I tolerate each other, we’ve just never seen eye to eye. As far as I know me and my bios moved around a bit after that. However we stayed on the east coast between Florida all the way up to New Jersey. Back then you didn’t have to put a down payment on apartments so we moved whenever the rent was due. Which meant we could stay in one place for anywhere from a month to two. Eventually we did settle down for a bit in Greenville, North Carolina. Shortly after we moved to Florida for a brief period of time. Not long after arriving in Florida my brother was born. Take note all this moving and my brother happened in a short three year time span. So me and my brother are three years apart so by the time he was born I was three. I believe we stayed there for two years. I have no way of knowing for sure. After my brother was born I was forced to take care of him. Well not forced but I cared about him and wasn’t going to let him die. I have information that our bios would lock me and brother outside for days at a time while they did drug deals and such. They were both alcoholics and drunks. During these times we were locked outside (which is said to have occurred often) I have no recollection or information on what I ate. However I kept my brother alive on the only thing I could, dirty bottles. Of course they had spoiled milk in them but I was young and had no idea on what I was doing all I knew is I had to keep him alive somehow. Now this continued until I was five and my brother was two (again we are three years apart). Finally a neighbor reported our bios. We were taken away but our parents still had visitation rights. That’s how the foster care works. They could have gotten me and my brother, Jo Jo back but they never tried. Apparently they didn’t care. Our grandparents took us in but they cared either less or equal to how our bio parents did. I guess our grandparents got tired of us because it is said they left me and my brother on a drug dealer’s door step. Shortly after we were put into foster care full time. Our bio family no longer had any rights to us. We now belonged to the state. At this time I was still five and my brother two. Yes all this happened in one year. There is some good news to this; back then the foster care system was required to keep siblings together. They no longer have to do that anymore. We went thru foster home after foster home for two years (we changed foster homes about every two weeks). Around the time I was seven and my brother four our now adopted parents found us. And soon we were allowed to visit every weekend. They were allowed to see my brother a lot in fact I think he moved in with them shortly after. Shey (my mom) and Mark (my dad) hadn’t adopted him yet. They were waiting to adopt me and my brother at the same time. When the child stays in a foster home for an extended period of time and the parents have an adoption interest it’s called foster to adopt. That’s what Shey and Mark did. The child can stay in the home as long as the state permits it. Note once a child turns 18 they are on their own. I was a whole different story. I had a lot of vivid bad memories about my past because I was older and had to care for my brother and I protected him from as much as I could. So I couldn’t forget as easily as my brother had. However to this day we both have emotional scars. Our adopted parents didn’t understand. They kept telling us it happened a long time ago you should be over it by now. The problem is I will never forget. Feelings aren’t forgotten. But I don’t consider it a curse. I find this experience to be a blessing because I can relate to others and help them. I have a lot of wisdom with life but I know I can still learn more. The fact is I understand more than some people my age, and more than some people will ever understand. As does my brother. He just doesn’t know how to use this knowledge in the right way yet. Due to everything I had been thru I was really hurt and didn’t trust anyone. And my pain overflowed into outrageous behavior. Foster care labeled me as unadoptable. Soon after I was put into a mental institution. However this didn’t stop Shey and Mark. They fought for about four months to get me out of there and at the end of that time I was out. I was then put into an orphanage. At this time I was still seven. However the foster care system still didn’t want to believe I could ever live a ‘normal’ life. So Shey and Mark fought for two years. During this time I was allowed to visit on weekends. At the end of the two years the foster care system still didn’t believe I could ever make it but they allowed Shey and Mark to adopt me. And so at the age of nine – me, and my brother - at the age of six were adopted. So that’s the earliest years of my childhood. The past can come at me from right around the corner or come out from behind. You think pictures would fade with time but the thoughts catch up sooner or later. Lonesome time’s means the not so great past comes at me mile after mile. And with Jacob constantly busy with something there’s plenty of lonely time. When the thoughts of the past catch up with me it carries me away to a nightmarish time. I try to grab Jacob’s attention but I can never hold it. I need him so to help me thru such painful times. Sometimes they come find me when I’m in bed fast asleep. I wake with a slight suddenness and find it hard to sleep again. Days past and things remain tiresome and slow. As the time nears for the return to the Army the days become yet darker. If I could go wherever Jacob went I would. That’s just not a possibility. It doesn’t help any that our relationship has always been very shaky. In my heart and mind I wish nothing more than to stay with Jacob. If only I could turn back time, so many mistakes could be fixed. I know he doesn’t hate me but I realize I have a tendency to take things too far. A serious past even with Jacob makes me remain troubled with my life even more. Life seems to be nothing but one big heartache. I’m left wondering what happened to the days gone by. Me and my husband used to be somewhat close but even that is better than now. Even when Jacob is home we hardly talk anymore and getting help from him is near impossible. There’s so much uncertainty in life it’s hard to go on. I manage to move on because I have to, everything always changes. With so much I need to change I fear I cannot. Some things I’m not willing to change, it would make me into something I’m not. Even as an adult I find the world to be a strange and unruly place. Thru everything in life I used to be able to run to a loving dog. You give them love and they give it back. They are simple and yet wholesome. That is one relationship I could always depend on until I met Jacob. I love my husband but I need a dog. There is a relationship there that leaves a hole so deep in my heart when I’m not able to love one. As it stands we have two wonderful cats but they just aren’t enough. And I am allergic to them. I live with the daily headaches, congestion, and other allergy issues because no matter how painful I will always love them. One of the many definitions of true love. Even so with another lonely day ahead I wish with all my heart and soul that I could have a dog. With the realization it will not happen I hold back the tears that threaten to take over and push thru another antagonizing day just thinking maybe someday. Wow the time to move grows very close. Jacob is getting out of the Army and we will be moving to South Carolina about ten minutes away from where his grandparents live. He is taking a job where he used to work. If he still feels the same way he has in the past he doesn’t really want to take this job but it was the only job he could get at the time because he couldn’t give a specific time limit as to when he was available to start. We have to be out of the house in three days so when Jesse awakes I will have to immediately start cleaning. I’ve always hated cleaning but if I don’t I fear Jacob will become very angry with me. It wasn’t but a month ago he threatened to leave because I hardly cleaned. That was a very hard and frightening time in my life. Those feelings still haven’t passed but I hide the fear I still feel. Jacob has enough to deal with; I cannot ask him to carry my weight as well. I have been up way to long again. Crazy me. It’s perfect weather for me to sit outside with a decent heavy jacket on. It’s raining, dark , damp, cold, and just plain creepy the way the street lights are hitting things. I think I’ll go and enjoy it.

well tell me what u think so far. im sure i will change it many times more then i already have. but this is what t is for now.

It's pretty interersting. ^-^ I have no constructive criticism at this point, but I'm sure some of the other clanmembers might. xD I enjoyed reading it. -bored as well, just came home from school-

thanx sat. its is still in the beginning steps so I'm pretty sure I will change it many more times as I mentioned. But for now this is what I have. Not real sure where I'm going with it but that's the beauty of chaos XD

Yes, you got that right. Chaos is wonderful. >:3 -fudges Milli-

hehe still going on with the fudging i see

Takuya wrote:

Yes, you got that right. Chaos is wonderful. >:3 -fudges Milli-

*dodges and takes all the pepsi from sato's place!!!!! >:D*

@Khuli: that was really interesting!!!! Hmmm criticism i've got none lol just hope you have more chaos in store for us~~~~

OMG NOT THE PEPSI!!!

ahhhhh~~~ pepsi~~~~~~

Darn it. =.= I only have Coke right now. D: Oh oh! And my lovely karupisu.

karupisu!!!!!!

There there, I have 2 bottles, you can have the other. ^-^

wahhhh! arigatou!!!!

LLD. xD

thanx milli and sat i will definately have more in store for u. i already made a couple more pages. i just wanna pile on more bf ipost it in here :p glad u like it. what i posted took me a year. ive changed it so many times its a wonder i got anything done

Lol This chaotic story. x3 I can't wait to see more of it. >:3

oh so i am a good writer :P i try

Lol i llove the rampages XD they're really really interesting like the story you wrote here

it makes me want to stay here longer and actually give replies :3 great job khuli~~~~

Lol I think it's our little competition that makes you want to stay here longer and give replies. Besides that, I like reading khuli's chaos too. xD